I am a very sad panda tonight... My mom called a few hours ago and asked to speak to Kelly. I handed over the phone and he left the room for a minute, then returned looking rather concerned. He sat me down and told me that my kitty Nellie died earlier tonight.

It's not like I didn't see it coming; we've known for a long time now that she's getting old (she's nearly eighteen years old), and while I was home during Christmas, she was having a hard time walking, and in recent months she hasn't been eating or drinking very much. Just before I left to come back to Pullman, I picked her up and took her into my room to say my goodbyes, because I knew I probably wasn't going to see her again. It was so painful. I think she knew I was sad, because usually when I try to cuddle her, she gets irritated and tries to get away. She's not the cuddly sort of kitty; she's the type that prefers to sit primly on your lap, and you have to stay very still because if you jostle her at all, she will not put up with it, and she'll run away. But while I was saying goodbye to her, she let me hug her and cry into her fur and didn't try to scratch me.

Losing Socks and Frank, my other cats, was definitely hard, but this pain of losing Nellie is definitely the worst. I've had her for as long as I can remember. I can't imagine what it will be like to come home and not have her there. I miss her so much.

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A watercolor painting I commissioned as a gift for my mother a year or two ago.

More pictures:
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